Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’
Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.
As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.
Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.
Some precious moments of life
- Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
- Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
- Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
- Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
- Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.
Today we present his satire Courtship License of ‘Dating’.
☆ Witful Warmth# 59 ☆
☆ Satire ☆ Courtship License of ‘Dating’… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆
It is a melancholy and universally acknowledged truth that our great nation is presently afflicted by a most grievous and perplexing social ill. I speak not of famine, nor of plague, nor of the endless and sanguinary conflicts across the seas, but of a far more insidious and subtle affliction that has seized the very marrow of our youthful population: the deplorable and utterly unproductive state of modern courtship.
For it hath been observed by all who are not blinded by a sentimentalist’s fog that the male youth of our realm, from the age of sixteen to a full three and twenty, are squandering the most fertile years of their lives in a manner so profligate and inefficient as to border upon national treason. They are ensnared in a web of digital pleasantries and fleeting interactions, a ceaseless and unavailing expenditure of both time and spirit, from which they derive no lasting benefit, and which, worse still, leaves them utterly unfit for the more rigorous and necessary duties of commerce and industry.
The cause of this lamentable state is readily identified, and it is with a heavy heart that I must place the blame squarely upon a new and peculiar species of the female gender, whom our society hath, in its modern jargon, denominated the ‘Gen-Z Girl’. This creature is of a constitution heretofore unseen in the annals of human relations: capricious, enigmatic, and possessed of a mind so given to novelties and fleeting fancies that to secure her interest for a period exceeding a fortnight is an undertaking of such Herculean proportions as to beggar the imagination.
She is, by nature and nurture, a mistress of the most baffling and esoteric forms of communication, whereby she may, through a single and ambiguous pictogram, convey a multitude of contradictory sentiments. The wretched suitor, in a state of perpetual confusion, is thereby rendered impotent to ascertain her true disposition, and is forced to resort to an endless and exhausting series of digital missives, each one composed with an anxious and feverish deliberation that would be better applied to the composition of state documents or the calculation of celestial mechanics. It is, furthermore, a common and disheartening occurrence for a gentleman to invest a full month’s worth of emotional and conversational labour, and even a considerable sum in the form of fine dining and theatrical amusements, only to find himself summarily ‘ghosted,’ a term which, though vulgar, aptly describes the sudden and inexplicable disappearance of the female subject, leaving no trace but a hollow echo in the digital ether.
Having given due consideration to this deplorable state of affairs, and having, over a period of some months, consulted with eminent sociologists, moral philosophers, and even several reputable professors of Applied Mathematics, I have at last devised a scheme so exquisitely simple in its design, and so universally beneficial in its effect, as to promise a complete and lasting remedy to this national calamity. My proposal is this: that we establish a national, state-regulated system for the management of courtship, reducing all interpersonal dealings to a series of quantifiable and strictly enforced commercial transactions.
To wit, let every male youth, upon reaching the age of majority, be issued a Courtship License, much in the manner of a permit for a firearm. This license shall contain his full particulars, and shall be linked to a national digital ledger. The Gen-Z girl, in turn, shall be issued a ‘Social Credit’ account, which may only be augmented by the successful completion of a courtship. The terms of engagement shall be clearly delineated by a central Bureau of Interpersonal Commerce, and all initial communications shall be restricted to a single, standardised digital protocol, devoid of all superfluous pleasantries and ambiguous pictograms. A suitor may, for a fee, initiate a conversation, and the Gen-Z girl is thereby obligated to respond within the space of three hours with either a direct rejection or an unequivocal invitation to proceed.
The ‘talking stage,’ that most dreadful and unproductive purgatory, shall be abolished forthwith. It shall be replaced with a series of tiered, contractual obligations. For example, a suitor may purchase the right to a twenty-minute, in-person conversation for a pre-determined sum, a portion of which shall be deposited directly into the Gen-Z girl’s Social Credit account. If the conversation proceeds with due diligence, he may then, for an escalated fee, secure a second, more lengthy engagement, and so forth. In this manner, all parties shall be assured of the sincerity of their counterparts, and the wasteful expenditure of time upon the indecisive or the frivolous shall be utterly eliminated.
The benefits of this scheme are manifold. Firstly, it shall provide a much-needed and dependable source of income for the female population, thereby reducing their reliance upon the precarious and often meager allowances of their parents, and stimulating the national economy with a constant flow of new capital. Secondly, it shall instill in the male youth a proper sense of the value of their time, compelling them to pursue their romantic interests with a purposeful and commercial vigour, rather than allowing them to languish in a state of idle and unprofitable communication. Thirdly, it shall, with the same stroke, encourage the Gen-Z girl to be more discerning and less whimsical in her dealings, for every successful transaction will add to her social credit and, by extension, to her eligibility for a more profitable match. The most efficient and productive of these young ladies shall be granted a premium license, allowing them to charge a higher rate for their time, and thereby ensuring that the most desirable and economically sound matches are made with the utmost expediency.
I am not unmindful that some sentimental souls, of a type who would weep over a lost kitten but show no such compassion for the plight of a nation’s youth, will object to this proposal as being a cruel and materialistic reduction of the sacred art of human love. To these tender-hearted critics, I would reply that their objections are founded upon a false and antiquated notion of courtship. For what is the current system but a game of chance played with loaded dice, a ruinous lottery in which the most worthy suitor may be passed over in favour of a fellow with a more impressive collection of digital images or a cleverer use of a fleeting internet phrase? My scheme, to the contrary, is founded upon the most sound and rational principles of commerce and utility, whereby all parties may enter into a transaction with a clear understanding of its terms and a realistic expectation of its outcome. It is, I submit, the most humane and compassionate system yet devised, for it puts a swift and merciful end to the protracted emotional suffering that is the inevitable result of the current system of irrational and unmanaged courtship.
Let us be honest with ourselves. The Gen-Z girl, with her peculiar habits and her bewildering lexicon of emojis and acronyms, has unwittingly created a social crisis of the first order. She has, through her very nature, rendered the traditional methods of courtship obsolete and ruinous. My proposal is not to change her nature—for that would be a task for a divine power—but to provide a framework within which her peculiar habits may be rendered productive and, dare I say it, profitable for all. This is not a proposal for the sale of sentiment, but for the efficient management of a vital social function, and thereby the restoration of order and purpose to a generation lost in a fog of digital confusion and emotional indolence.
This scheme, though simple in its conception, is of such profound and universal benefit that I would wager my last penny upon its success. I have no personal motive in this matter, for I am a man well past the age of such frivolous pursuits. I offer this proposal not for my own gain, but out of a deep and abiding love for my country, and a profound desire to see its youth freed from the shackles of a system that is, at its heart, a calamitous waste of time, money, and human potential. Let us not dither while our young men and women fritter away their most valuable years; let us act with reason and resolve, and in doing so, secure the future prosperity of our great nation.
****
© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’
Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com
≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈
