Tag: #Weekly_Column

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his Satire – The Next Token in the Scraping Queue.  

☆ Witful Warmth# 74 ☆

☆ Satire ☆ The Next Token in the Scraping Queue… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

In that God-forsaken backyard veranda, right where the post-wedding junk and crippled chairs were enjoying their retirement benefits, she was busy counting her final breaths. She—the legendary savior who once guarded the family’s social status by sweeping every bit of dirt with her chest—was now crouched against the wall like a discarded floor rag. Her plastic fibers and twigs were scattered like the shattered dreams of a middle-aged father whose kids just moved to Canada. She and I were basically twins. As long as our spines could take the load, we carried everyone’s garbage and gifted them spotless corners. But the moment our discs slipped, the darkness of the dump welcomed us with open arms. It is the golden rule of capitalist affection. As long as you are useful, you are the deity of the threshold. The moment your warranty expires, you become the clutter that needs to be Marie Kondo-ed out of existence. Looking at her dust-covered remains, I was hit by severe nostalgia of my own glory days when people actually respected my presence, compared to now, when they just trip over me and swear.

Late at night, while the entire household was comfortably snoring on memory-foam mattresses, a bizarre rustling echoed from that dark corner. If you listened closely, it was not an emotional sob, but the dry, tragic friction of one broken twig hitting another. I peeked through the window only to find the lady of the house standing tall, armed with a shiny, newly unboxed vacuum cleaner. With the grace of a professional footballer, she kicked that old bundle of twigs straight into the municipal garbage truck. As she departed, that broom managed to flick her remaining dust right into my face, leaving behind a silent, haunting reminder.

“Today it is me, tomorrow it is you.”

Right on cue, the lady’s shrill voice cut through the silence from the living room.

“Hey, can you please fire this old servant too? He makes too much noise and is just wasting premium carpet area.”

My soul instantly left my body. The broom was officially gone, but before leaving, she had successfully delivered the ultimate spoiler alert for the rest of my life.

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his Satire – The WhatsApp Disaster.  

☆ Witful Warmth# 73 ☆

☆ Satire ☆ The WhatsApp Disaster… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

Let’s be honest, Mark Zuckerberg’s “This message was deleted” feature on WhatsApp is less of a convenience and more of a home-wrecking disaster. On apps like Instagram or Facebook, you can quietly unsend a message and pretend it never happened, like washing your sins away in a river. But WhatsApp is like that loud, gossiping neighborhood aunty who points at you and screams, “Look everyone, he just hid something!” It does not let you escape your mistakes peacefully; instead, it leaves a glowing neon sign pointing right at your digital secrets.

My biggest daily disaster is that my current girlfriend’s name is Riya, and my ex-girlfriend’s name was Priya. Sometimes my fingers just slip, and I accidentally type “I love you, Priya,” which means I have to quickly delete it before she sees. Now, Riya might not remember a single thing from her school syllabus, but she is a walking Wikipedia of my WhatsApp history. She constantly yells at me, saying, “Listen, Suri! You have deleted 312 messages and edited 171 this month. What are you hiding? Your character is totally sketchy!”

When it comes to WhatsApp, girls instantly switch into an extreme FBI detective mode. The moment they spot that deleted message signboard, their inner Sherlock Holmes wakes up to investigate. They calculate the exact time difference between your “Last Seen” and your “Online” status like NASA scientists tracking a rocket into space. If they see “Typing…” for a second and then it disappears, their blood pressure skyrockets, and they immediately take screenshots to start a serious panel discussion in their friends’ group chat.

To make matters worse, their daily routine runs entirely upside down. When the whole world is peacefully sleeping, they wake up at 2:30 AM with their eyes wide open like night owls. This begins the endless, sleepy midnight phone calls where they dig up a two-year-old chat to argue that you are losing interest in them. But the funniest part is that as soon as the sun rises and the rest of the world rushes to school or work, these ladies pull up their blankets and sleep like a log until 2:00 PM!

Last night, the water finally went over my head and I reached my absolute breaking point. At exactly 3:14 AM, Riya started crying over those same 312 deleted messages again, refusing to listen to logic. I tried to explain that it was just a simple typo and she was making a mountain out of a molehill, but she wasn’t having it. She loudly accused me of trying to get back together with Priya and gave me a strict ultimatum: either magically bring those deleted messages back or forget her forever.

With my brain completely fried and turned to mush from the midnight drama, I decided to take drastic action. I opened my phone settings, went straight to the app manager, and uninstalled WhatsApp forever. I thought to myself that without the app, there would be no more deleted messages, no more typing anxiety, and definitely no more midnight complaints. I went to sleep feeling victorious, believing I had finally escaped this digital warzone and could live peacefully.

The next morning, however, I woke up to loud banging on my door and found Riya standing there with a huge smile, a thermos of hot tea, and my favorite biscuits. She happily thanked me for making the “ultimate digital sacrifice” by leaving the gossiping world of WhatsApp just to prove my love to her. Before I could even speak, she dropped a massive bomb: she had already told her father, who was so impressed by a boy “murdering his WhatsApp” for loyalty that he had invited me over to finalize our marriage! The very app I deleted to escape her drama had just pushed me directly into a wedding trap.

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his Satire – Do You Want to Get Slim?  

☆ Witful Warmth# 72  ☆

☆ Satire ☆ Do You Want to Get Slim? ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

In our country, being chubby is not a health issue; it’s treated like a national crime! The moment you walk down the street, every random neighbor auntie and grumpy office uncle turns into a Supreme Court judge, passing a final verdict on your belly. It’s the middle of June, and the sun is so hot it could literally melt a school bus. But our stubborn belly fat? It sticks to us like a corrupt politician sticks to his government chair. To lose weight, people put on sports shorts and run in parks every morning, panting so hard you’d think Yamraj’s scariest buffalo is chasing them at full speed. But the result? Big fat zero! All these expensive gyms and diet plans are just a giant trap to steal your pocket money. Forget them. We need some highly dangerous, top-secret, and hilarious tricks that will melt your fat and completely crush your family’s overconfidence.

The very first holy step on this fat-burning journey is to take a big rock and smash the largest, shiniest mirror in your house. Why? Because every morning, that evil mirror shows your belly looking three times bigger than it actually is, like a pending government file. Once the ugly truth is out of sight, you will automatically feel a deep, beautiful sadness that will make you hate food.

Eating boiled vegetables and grass is for losers. The real problem isn’t food; it’s this annoying society that keeps measuring everyone else’s waistline. Want a killer workout? Go to a relative’s wedding. Instead of attacking the paneer stalls or the rasgulla counter like a starving wolf, do something else. Find that one super-cranky Fufa Ji (uncle) who throws a tantrum if his paneer piece is too small. Just follow him around. Listening to his toxic, fiery, and bitter insults will burn your blood instantly—and when your blood burns, your fat evaporates into the sky like steam!

If that doesn’t work, try the guava trap. Go to your neighborhood’s scariest uncle’s garden and pretend to steal two guavas. This is the uncle who never talks without waving a giant wooden stick. When his roaring German Shepherd runs after you, and the angry uncle chases you with the stick, the cardio exercise you get will be way better than anything a fancy foreign gym trainer can ever teach you.

If you really want to dry yourself up until you look like a skinny matchstick, you must copy how Indian government offices work. No one in the universe can reduce your weight and fat faster than a government clerk. Just walk into a municipal corporation or electricity department office. Take a fake, blank file and stubbornly demand to get it passed. The main clerk on the third floor will send you to the peon on the first floor, who will send you back to the second floor. They will make you run in circles around the building so much that your knees will lose their grease, and your fat will cry for mercy.

When traveling in a crowded metro or bus, make a strict promise to yourself: never sit down, even if a seat is completely empty. Always stand right under a 100 kg, heavily sweating passenger who looks like he might fall on you at any second. The extreme fear and ultimate balance needed to survive that national danger will wake up every single sleeping muscle in your body, making your weight drop like a stone.

Also, at 2:00 PM in the blazing afternoon heat, put exactly 50 rupees of petrol into your junk scooty and drive out onto a lonely highway. When the vehicle takes its last breath and dies in the middle of nowhere, and you have to push it for 5 kilometers back home, you will achieve true inner peace and ultimate slimness.

There are weight-loss secrets hidden in family life that even famous Yoga gurus are afraid to print in their books! On a Sunday, agree to go to a giant shopping mall with your mom or sister. Walk behind them silently like a loyal helper, carrying ten heavy bags. The distance covered while women choose between fifty different shades of the same color is longer, more painful, and burns more fat than an Olympic Marathon.

If you are a young guy looking for a shortcut, try making friends with your crush’s big brother, especially if he is the scariest bully in the neighborhood. The sheer terror will keep you awake at night, making your heart race like a bullet train and melting your body fat like a burning candle. Even at home, if your younger brother or sister asks you for the TV remote or a snack, do not give it to them. Instead, grab it and start running like a maniac through every room and up to the terrace. This epic family civil war will not only entertain the whole neighborhood for free, but it will also shrink your waist by 4 inches without any dieting.

The absolute best and most natural weight-loss course in this capitalist world is to have a completely empty pocket. When you are totally broke, the delicious smell of burgers, pizzas, and street food will only enter your nose and lungs; it will never reach your stomach. You will become peaceful and wise like Gautam Buddha—mostly because you are starving.

Finally, go to the local park in the morning and sit among those people who do that fake “Laughing Yoga” by raising their hands and laughing like Ravana for no reason. Stand up and start giving a very boring, serious speech about rising taxes, school fees, and the falling economy. Those laughing people will instantly get furious, pick up their walking sticks, and chase you. The speed at which you will run to save your life will be the highest form of International Aerobics!

Sell your comfortable, luxury sofa to the scrap dealer immediately. Sitting on it makes you feel like a king, lying down for hours like a lazy python with a TV remote. Instead, practice sitting directly on the hard, cold floor. The hardness of the floor will constantly remind your hip fat of its true social status. In the afternoon, when the power goes out and the inverter dies, don’t curse the electricity board. Take a hand-held bamboo fan and fan your entire sleeping family. Cooling their chests will make your own weight fly away like a kite.

By using these sharp, sarcastic, and completely crazy methods, you will not only say goodbye to your extra fat forever, but you will also slap this judge-y society right across the face—a slap so thin and powerful that it will shake the needle of your weighing machine down to zero!

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his Satire – The Epic Saga of Kevin and Brianna: A Very Mature Relationship.  

☆ Witful Warmth# 70 ☆

☆ Satire ☆ The Epic Saga of Kevin and Brianna: A Very Mature Relationship… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

​Once upon a time in the kingdom of the Seventh Grade Hallway, there was a boy named Kevin who wore a hoodie even when it was ninety degrees outside because it made him look mysterious like a vampire from a movie his mom wouldn’t let him watch. Kevin was deeply in love with Brianna, who sat three rows away in Pre-Algebra and smelled like strawberry lip gloss and extreme focus. Their love was very complicated because Kevin had once accidentally liked a photo Brianna posted three years ago of her pet hamster, and according to the laws of the cafeteria, this meant they were basically married. Kevin spent most of his time staring at the back of Brianna’s head and wondering if the way she tied her ponytail meant she was thinking about him, or if she was just trying to keep her hair out of her glue stick. It was a soulful, silent connection that involved a lot of looking at the floor whenever they passed each other near the water fountain, which is the most romantic thing a person can do besides giving someone half of a fruit leather.

​The climax of their romance happened during the Tuesday assembly about not eating Tide Pods, where Kevin finally gathered the courage to send a highly classified carrier pigeon, also known as a folded-up piece of notebook paper, across the bleachers. The note had two boxes: “Yes” and “No,” because “Maybe” is for people who aren’t ready for a serious commitment. Brianna received the note while her friends giggled so loud the gym teacher had to blow his whistle three times. She checked “Yes” with a purple glitter pen that had a fuzzy pom-pom on top, signifying that their souls were now bonded until at least Friday. For the next forty-eight hours, their relationship was a whirlwind of activity, which mostly consisted of sending the “eyes” emoji back and forth on Roblox and changing their social media bios to include each other’s initials surrounded by many conflicting sparkles and lightning bolts. They were an unstoppable power couple, right up there with PB&J or people who have matching hydroflasks.

​However, the dark clouds of tragedy began to gather on Thursday during lunch period when Kevin was seen sharing a single Flamin’ Hot Cheeto with a girl named Sarah from the band elective. Word traveled through the school at the speed of light, or at least at the speed of the group chat, which is much faster. By the time Kevin reached his locker, he had been “canceled” by three different social circles he didn’t even know he belonged to. Brianna was devastated and spent the entirety of Social Studies drawing dark, jagged hearts in the margins of her notes about the Industrial Revolution, realizing that men were all the same, especially the ones who wore AXE Body Spray. She decided that Kevin was “mid” anyway and that she needed to focus on her career as a professional TikTok dancer who also rescues poodles. The betrayal was so deep that she even considered giving back the mechanical pencil lead he had lent her on Monday, but she decided to keep it as a trophy of her survival in the cutthroat world of middle school dating.

​The breakup was officially finalized when Brianna’s best friend, Kaylee, walked up to Kevin during passing period and told him that Brianna said he was “clapping” which Kevin didn’t understand but knew was an insult because Kaylee said it while making a very mean face. Kevin tried to explain that the Cheeto incident was a total misunderstanding—Sarah just had low blood sugar and he was being a hero—but the gates of the heart had already been slammed shut and padlocked with a combination he didn’t know. He went home and listened to a song that sounded like a robot crying in a bathtub, feeling like an old man of thirteen who had seen too much of the world’s cruelty. He deleted the lightning bolts from his bio and replaced them with a single black umbrella emoji, which is the international symbol for “I am a lone wolf who is too deep for your drama.” His mom asked if he wanted a grilled cheese, but he just sighed and said she wouldn’t understand his pain, even though the grilled cheese smelled really good.

​By the following Monday, the great Kevin and Brianna era was a distant memory, much like the fidget spinner craze of years past. Brianna was now “talking” to a guy in ninth grade who had a mustache that looked like a faint smudge of dirt, which made him practically a grown adult with a mortgage. Kevin had moved on to a new passion, which was trying to see how many grapes he could fit in his mouth at once during the bus ride home. They passed each other in the hall and didn’t even look at the floor; they just looked at their phones, which is the ultimate sign of being over someone. The cycle of life continued in the hallways, with new notes being folded and new Cheetos being shared, as a fresh crop of sixth graders prepared to enter the battlefield of love. It was a beautiful, tragic, and very loud circle of life, fueled by Gatorade and the hope that someday, someone would finally check the “Yes” box and mean it for more than a week.

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com