English Literature – Weekly Column ☆ Witful Warmth # 75 – All Lines on This Route Are Busy… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

  1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
  2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
  3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
  4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
  5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his SatireAll Lines on This Route Are Busy 

☆ Witful Warmth# 75

☆ Satire ☆ All Lines on This Route Are Busy… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

Talking before marriage and tea leaves have one thing in common. In the beginning, both show a lot of color. The fragrance is so strong that the whole neighborhood knows something is boiling. But slowly, time passes, and those same tea leaves look like dry grass left in the corner of a utensil. The same thing happened between us.

The man who promised to stay with me for seven lifetimes during our wedding rounds locked himself inside a screen in just seven months. Now, when he comes home, he just lies on the sofa and keeps moving his thumb. That 15-second world of Instagram reels has become more valuable than my entire life. His fingers slide on the screen like a magician flipping playing cards. I sit next to him holding a cup of tea and keep looking at him, but his eyes never wander from the phone. It feels like I am just a piece of old furniture in that house, covered in dust, which no one even wants to bother moving.

One day I said, “Listen, I need to talk to you.” Without looking up, he said, “I am busy right now, we will see later.” This “later” never comes. When a man pretends to be busy, he is actually running away from his responsibilities. To break the silence of this loneliness, I found a new way. I would call my own number from my own mobile phone. When the voice from the other side said, “The number you have dialed is currently busy,” a strange peace would fill my heart. At least someone was saying that I was busy. Someone was noticing my presence, even if it was just a computer’s recorded voice. This was the biggest sadness of my life—that I had to use my own number to convince myself that I existed in this world.

Just then, a new young man came to live in front of our house. He was two years younger than me, and perhaps that is why he was far away from the clever tricks of the world. He understood my loneliness just by looking at the sadness on my face. While the master of the house was busy scrolling reels on the sofa, that boy was reading my silence. When my husband was not home, he would visit my house on the excuse of asking for salt or tea leaves. There was a strange kindness in his eyes, which felt like a cool shower of rain in my desert-like life. One day, during a conversation, he told me very simply that he was not married yet. I felt that God had sent him to the house opposite mine just to end my loneliness.

As we started meeting more often, the dried-up river inside me began to flood with life again. Every time I planned to run away with him from this suffocating life, he would smile and say, “Don’t rush. Let’s make a plan tomorrow.” I thought he was saying this for our safety. A man’s “tomorrow” sometimes becomes a woman’s lifelong wait. He would make an excuse every time, and I would come back to sit at the edge of the same sofa next to the reels. When love is received in small bits, its value increases even more. I was passing my days with the help of his false hope, telling myself that one day this darkness would go away.

One day, he suddenly came to me on his own and said, “Tomorrow we will go far away forever. Pack your bags and be ready.” That day, I felt like my years of prayer had finally answered. I quietly took out my favorite sarees from the cupboard and started packing them in a suitcase. In the next room, my husband was laughing loudly while watching a prank video on his mobile. His laughter stabbed my ears like a sharp nail. I felt pity for that man, who did not even know that the ground was slipping from under his feet. I packed the bitterest truth of my life into a bag and began waiting for the morning that was going to witness my departure.

When I reached his house with all my bags packed, he had already left. A lock was hanging on the door of the house opposite mine, and only dust was flying around. My breath got stuck in my throat, and the suitcase fell from my hand to the ground. When I didn’t see anyone around, I asked a shopkeeper nearby about him. The truth told by the shopkeeper completely shook me. The shopkeeper spat his tobacco and said very casually, “Oh, he was married. His wife lives in Bengaluru, and she came early this morning to pick him up. Both left by the first bus.”

Hearing this, everything inside me shattered. The boy whom I thought to be the savior of my loneliness was nothing but a cheat. He was just using the tea leaves and salt of my house to pass his free time. What could be a more horrible form of heartbreak than this? The person I thought was my way to freedom had pushed me into a deeper well. I sat on the doorstep of that empty house and started laughing because I ran out of tears to cry. The whole game was just about passing time—whether it was watching reels or asking for salt in the neighborhood.

With shaking hands, I picked up my suitcase and walked back toward my old house, where silence was waiting for me. The main door was open, and the sounds of the same reels were still coming from the sofa. My husband didn’t even look at me. While looking at the screen, he said, “Oh, you are back? Just check if we are out of salt.” Without saying anything, I looked toward the kitchen where the salt container was already half-full. I understood that in this world, everyone is busy with their own screens and their own stories, and other people’s emotions are just a source of entertainment.

I took out my phone and dialed my own number again. The same familiar voice came from the other side, saying that the number you have dialed is busy. I kept the phone pressed against my ear and started feeling the comfort of that busy tone. Now I was completely sure that in this selfish and fake world, only my own number was there which would never betray my loneliness, even if it always pretended to be busy. This final goodbye to love had made me completely self-reliant.

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈

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English Literature – Weekly Column ☆ Witful Warmth # 74 – The Next Token in the Scraping Queue… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

  1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
  2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
  3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
  4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
  5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his SatireThe Next Token in the Scraping Queue 

☆ Witful Warmth# 74

☆ Satire ☆ The Next Token in the Scraping Queue… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

In that God-forsaken backyard veranda, right where the post-wedding junk and crippled chairs were enjoying their retirement benefits, she was busy counting her final breaths. She—the legendary savior who once guarded the family’s social status by sweeping every bit of dirt with her chest—was now crouched against the wall like a discarded floor rag. Her plastic fibers and twigs were scattered like the shattered dreams of a middle-aged father whose kids just moved to Canada. She and I were basically twins. As long as our spines could take the load, we carried everyone’s garbage and gifted them spotless corners. But the moment our discs slipped, the darkness of the dump welcomed us with open arms. It is the golden rule of capitalist affection. As long as you are useful, you are the deity of the threshold. The moment your warranty expires, you become the clutter that needs to be Marie Kondo-ed out of existence. Looking at her dust-covered remains, I was hit by severe nostalgia of my own glory days when people actually respected my presence, compared to now, when they just trip over me and swear.

Late at night, while the entire household was comfortably snoring on memory-foam mattresses, a bizarre rustling echoed from that dark corner. If you listened closely, it was not an emotional sob, but the dry, tragic friction of one broken twig hitting another. I peeked through the window only to find the lady of the house standing tall, armed with a shiny, newly unboxed vacuum cleaner. With the grace of a professional footballer, she kicked that old bundle of twigs straight into the municipal garbage truck. As she departed, that broom managed to flick her remaining dust right into my face, leaving behind a silent, haunting reminder.

“Today it is me, tomorrow it is you.”

Right on cue, the lady’s shrill voice cut through the silence from the living room.

“Hey, can you please fire this old servant too? He makes too much noise and is just wasting premium carpet area.”

My soul instantly left my body. The broom was officially gone, but before leaving, she had successfully delivered the ultimate spoiler alert for the rest of my life.

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈

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English Literature – Weekly Column ☆ Witful Warmth # 73 – The WhatsApp Disaster… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

  1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
  2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
  3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
  4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
  5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his SatireThe WhatsApp Disaster 

☆ Witful Warmth# 73 ☆

☆ Satire ☆ The WhatsApp Disaster… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

Let’s be honest, Mark Zuckerberg’s “This message was deleted” feature on WhatsApp is less of a convenience and more of a home-wrecking disaster. On apps like Instagram or Facebook, you can quietly unsend a message and pretend it never happened, like washing your sins away in a river. But WhatsApp is like that loud, gossiping neighborhood aunty who points at you and screams, “Look everyone, he just hid something!” It does not let you escape your mistakes peacefully; instead, it leaves a glowing neon sign pointing right at your digital secrets.

My biggest daily disaster is that my current girlfriend’s name is Riya, and my ex-girlfriend’s name was Priya. Sometimes my fingers just slip, and I accidentally type “I love you, Priya,” which means I have to quickly delete it before she sees. Now, Riya might not remember a single thing from her school syllabus, but she is a walking Wikipedia of my WhatsApp history. She constantly yells at me, saying, “Listen, Suri! You have deleted 312 messages and edited 171 this month. What are you hiding? Your character is totally sketchy!”

When it comes to WhatsApp, girls instantly switch into an extreme FBI detective mode. The moment they spot that deleted message signboard, their inner Sherlock Holmes wakes up to investigate. They calculate the exact time difference between your “Last Seen” and your “Online” status like NASA scientists tracking a rocket into space. If they see “Typing…” for a second and then it disappears, their blood pressure skyrockets, and they immediately take screenshots to start a serious panel discussion in their friends’ group chat.

To make matters worse, their daily routine runs entirely upside down. When the whole world is peacefully sleeping, they wake up at 2:30 AM with their eyes wide open like night owls. This begins the endless, sleepy midnight phone calls where they dig up a two-year-old chat to argue that you are losing interest in them. But the funniest part is that as soon as the sun rises and the rest of the world rushes to school or work, these ladies pull up their blankets and sleep like a log until 2:00 PM!

Last night, the water finally went over my head and I reached my absolute breaking point. At exactly 3:14 AM, Riya started crying over those same 312 deleted messages again, refusing to listen to logic. I tried to explain that it was just a simple typo and she was making a mountain out of a molehill, but she wasn’t having it. She loudly accused me of trying to get back together with Priya and gave me a strict ultimatum: either magically bring those deleted messages back or forget her forever.

With my brain completely fried and turned to mush from the midnight drama, I decided to take drastic action. I opened my phone settings, went straight to the app manager, and uninstalled WhatsApp forever. I thought to myself that without the app, there would be no more deleted messages, no more typing anxiety, and definitely no more midnight complaints. I went to sleep feeling victorious, believing I had finally escaped this digital warzone and could live peacefully.

The next morning, however, I woke up to loud banging on my door and found Riya standing there with a huge smile, a thermos of hot tea, and my favorite biscuits. She happily thanked me for making the “ultimate digital sacrifice” by leaving the gossiping world of WhatsApp just to prove my love to her. Before I could even speak, she dropped a massive bomb: she had already told her father, who was so impressed by a boy “murdering his WhatsApp” for loyalty that he had invited me over to finalize our marriage! The very app I deleted to escape her drama had just pushed me directly into a wedding trap.

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈

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English Literature – Weekly Column ☆ Witful Warmth # 72 – Do You Want to Get Slim? ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

  1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
  2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
  3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
  4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
  5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his SatireDo You Want to Get Slim?  

☆ Witful Warmth# 72  ☆

☆ Satire ☆ Do You Want to Get Slim? ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

In our country, being chubby is not a health issue; it’s treated like a national crime! The moment you walk down the street, every random neighbor auntie and grumpy office uncle turns into a Supreme Court judge, passing a final verdict on your belly. It’s the middle of June, and the sun is so hot it could literally melt a school bus. But our stubborn belly fat? It sticks to us like a corrupt politician sticks to his government chair. To lose weight, people put on sports shorts and run in parks every morning, panting so hard you’d think Yamraj’s scariest buffalo is chasing them at full speed. But the result? Big fat zero! All these expensive gyms and diet plans are just a giant trap to steal your pocket money. Forget them. We need some highly dangerous, top-secret, and hilarious tricks that will melt your fat and completely crush your family’s overconfidence.

The very first holy step on this fat-burning journey is to take a big rock and smash the largest, shiniest mirror in your house. Why? Because every morning, that evil mirror shows your belly looking three times bigger than it actually is, like a pending government file. Once the ugly truth is out of sight, you will automatically feel a deep, beautiful sadness that will make you hate food.

Eating boiled vegetables and grass is for losers. The real problem isn’t food; it’s this annoying society that keeps measuring everyone else’s waistline. Want a killer workout? Go to a relative’s wedding. Instead of attacking the paneer stalls or the rasgulla counter like a starving wolf, do something else. Find that one super-cranky Fufa Ji (uncle) who throws a tantrum if his paneer piece is too small. Just follow him around. Listening to his toxic, fiery, and bitter insults will burn your blood instantly—and when your blood burns, your fat evaporates into the sky like steam!

If that doesn’t work, try the guava trap. Go to your neighborhood’s scariest uncle’s garden and pretend to steal two guavas. This is the uncle who never talks without waving a giant wooden stick. When his roaring German Shepherd runs after you, and the angry uncle chases you with the stick, the cardio exercise you get will be way better than anything a fancy foreign gym trainer can ever teach you.

If you really want to dry yourself up until you look like a skinny matchstick, you must copy how Indian government offices work. No one in the universe can reduce your weight and fat faster than a government clerk. Just walk into a municipal corporation or electricity department office. Take a fake, blank file and stubbornly demand to get it passed. The main clerk on the third floor will send you to the peon on the first floor, who will send you back to the second floor. They will make you run in circles around the building so much that your knees will lose their grease, and your fat will cry for mercy.

When traveling in a crowded metro or bus, make a strict promise to yourself: never sit down, even if a seat is completely empty. Always stand right under a 100 kg, heavily sweating passenger who looks like he might fall on you at any second. The extreme fear and ultimate balance needed to survive that national danger will wake up every single sleeping muscle in your body, making your weight drop like a stone.

Also, at 2:00 PM in the blazing afternoon heat, put exactly 50 rupees of petrol into your junk scooty and drive out onto a lonely highway. When the vehicle takes its last breath and dies in the middle of nowhere, and you have to push it for 5 kilometers back home, you will achieve true inner peace and ultimate slimness.

There are weight-loss secrets hidden in family life that even famous Yoga gurus are afraid to print in their books! On a Sunday, agree to go to a giant shopping mall with your mom or sister. Walk behind them silently like a loyal helper, carrying ten heavy bags. The distance covered while women choose between fifty different shades of the same color is longer, more painful, and burns more fat than an Olympic Marathon.

If you are a young guy looking for a shortcut, try making friends with your crush’s big brother, especially if he is the scariest bully in the neighborhood. The sheer terror will keep you awake at night, making your heart race like a bullet train and melting your body fat like a burning candle. Even at home, if your younger brother or sister asks you for the TV remote or a snack, do not give it to them. Instead, grab it and start running like a maniac through every room and up to the terrace. This epic family civil war will not only entertain the whole neighborhood for free, but it will also shrink your waist by 4 inches without any dieting.

The absolute best and most natural weight-loss course in this capitalist world is to have a completely empty pocket. When you are totally broke, the delicious smell of burgers, pizzas, and street food will only enter your nose and lungs; it will never reach your stomach. You will become peaceful and wise like Gautam Buddha—mostly because you are starving.

Finally, go to the local park in the morning and sit among those people who do that fake “Laughing Yoga” by raising their hands and laughing like Ravana for no reason. Stand up and start giving a very boring, serious speech about rising taxes, school fees, and the falling economy. Those laughing people will instantly get furious, pick up their walking sticks, and chase you. The speed at which you will run to save your life will be the highest form of International Aerobics!

Sell your comfortable, luxury sofa to the scrap dealer immediately. Sitting on it makes you feel like a king, lying down for hours like a lazy python with a TV remote. Instead, practice sitting directly on the hard, cold floor. The hardness of the floor will constantly remind your hip fat of its true social status. In the afternoon, when the power goes out and the inverter dies, don’t curse the electricity board. Take a hand-held bamboo fan and fan your entire sleeping family. Cooling their chests will make your own weight fly away like a kite.

By using these sharp, sarcastic, and completely crazy methods, you will not only say goodbye to your extra fat forever, but you will also slap this judge-y society right across the face—a slap so thin and powerful that it will shake the needle of your weighing machine down to zero!

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈

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English Literature – Weekly Column ☆ Witful Warmth # 70 – The Epic Saga of Kevin and Brianna: A Very Mature Relationship… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

  1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
  2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
  3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
  4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
  5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his SatireThe Epic Saga of Kevin and Brianna: A Very Mature Relationship 

☆ Witful Warmth# 70 ☆

☆ Satire ☆ The Epic Saga of Kevin and Brianna: A Very Mature Relationship… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

​Once upon a time in the kingdom of the Seventh Grade Hallway, there was a boy named Kevin who wore a hoodie even when it was ninety degrees outside because it made him look mysterious like a vampire from a movie his mom wouldn’t let him watch. Kevin was deeply in love with Brianna, who sat three rows away in Pre-Algebra and smelled like strawberry lip gloss and extreme focus. Their love was very complicated because Kevin had once accidentally liked a photo Brianna posted three years ago of her pet hamster, and according to the laws of the cafeteria, this meant they were basically married. Kevin spent most of his time staring at the back of Brianna’s head and wondering if the way she tied her ponytail meant she was thinking about him, or if she was just trying to keep her hair out of her glue stick. It was a soulful, silent connection that involved a lot of looking at the floor whenever they passed each other near the water fountain, which is the most romantic thing a person can do besides giving someone half of a fruit leather.

​The climax of their romance happened during the Tuesday assembly about not eating Tide Pods, where Kevin finally gathered the courage to send a highly classified carrier pigeon, also known as a folded-up piece of notebook paper, across the bleachers. The note had two boxes: “Yes” and “No,” because “Maybe” is for people who aren’t ready for a serious commitment. Brianna received the note while her friends giggled so loud the gym teacher had to blow his whistle three times. She checked “Yes” with a purple glitter pen that had a fuzzy pom-pom on top, signifying that their souls were now bonded until at least Friday. For the next forty-eight hours, their relationship was a whirlwind of activity, which mostly consisted of sending the “eyes” emoji back and forth on Roblox and changing their social media bios to include each other’s initials surrounded by many conflicting sparkles and lightning bolts. They were an unstoppable power couple, right up there with PB&J or people who have matching hydroflasks.

​However, the dark clouds of tragedy began to gather on Thursday during lunch period when Kevin was seen sharing a single Flamin’ Hot Cheeto with a girl named Sarah from the band elective. Word traveled through the school at the speed of light, or at least at the speed of the group chat, which is much faster. By the time Kevin reached his locker, he had been “canceled” by three different social circles he didn’t even know he belonged to. Brianna was devastated and spent the entirety of Social Studies drawing dark, jagged hearts in the margins of her notes about the Industrial Revolution, realizing that men were all the same, especially the ones who wore AXE Body Spray. She decided that Kevin was “mid” anyway and that she needed to focus on her career as a professional TikTok dancer who also rescues poodles. The betrayal was so deep that she even considered giving back the mechanical pencil lead he had lent her on Monday, but she decided to keep it as a trophy of her survival in the cutthroat world of middle school dating.

​The breakup was officially finalized when Brianna’s best friend, Kaylee, walked up to Kevin during passing period and told him that Brianna said he was “clapping” which Kevin didn’t understand but knew was an insult because Kaylee said it while making a very mean face. Kevin tried to explain that the Cheeto incident was a total misunderstanding—Sarah just had low blood sugar and he was being a hero—but the gates of the heart had already been slammed shut and padlocked with a combination he didn’t know. He went home and listened to a song that sounded like a robot crying in a bathtub, feeling like an old man of thirteen who had seen too much of the world’s cruelty. He deleted the lightning bolts from his bio and replaced them with a single black umbrella emoji, which is the international symbol for “I am a lone wolf who is too deep for your drama.” His mom asked if he wanted a grilled cheese, but he just sighed and said she wouldn’t understand his pain, even though the grilled cheese smelled really good.

​By the following Monday, the great Kevin and Brianna era was a distant memory, much like the fidget spinner craze of years past. Brianna was now “talking” to a guy in ninth grade who had a mustache that looked like a faint smudge of dirt, which made him practically a grown adult with a mortgage. Kevin had moved on to a new passion, which was trying to see how many grapes he could fit in his mouth at once during the bus ride home. They passed each other in the hall and didn’t even look at the floor; they just looked at their phones, which is the ultimate sign of being over someone. The cycle of life continued in the hallways, with new notes being folded and new Cheetos being shared, as a fresh crop of sixth graders prepared to enter the battlefield of love. It was a beautiful, tragic, and very loud circle of life, fueled by Gatorade and the hope that someday, someone would finally check the “Yes” box and mean it for more than a week.

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈

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English Literature – Weekly Column ☆ Witful Warmth # 66 – Love Merger: An Advanced Love Story… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

  1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
  2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
  3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
  4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
  5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his SatireLove Merger: An Advanced Love Story.  

☆ Witful Warmth# 66 ☆

☆ Satire ☆ Love Merger: An Advanced Love Story… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

It was a golden, high-tech morning in the year 2050. The atmosphere in the neighborhood’s “Oxygen Park” was unique. Two elderly men sat there with oxygen cylinders on their shoulders, opening the “files” of their vintage memories. They were reminiscing about the old days when lovers would stand outside houses and perform “manual tasks” like throwing pebbles at windows. Today, however, was the era of remote romance and cloud-based attachments.

Nearby, a young man named Alex-Paul was checking data on his smart glasses and sighing deeply. Seeing this, his friend Cyber-Sylvester asked, “What’s wrong, bro? Did your girlfriend log out with someone else, or did your emotional cloud crash?”

Alex gave a philosophical smile, looking like a man who had just suffered a massive spiritual loss. He said, “No man, the tragedy is that she’s back! I sent my partner, Zara-Quantum, on a three-month ‘free trial’ to a neighbor so she could upgrade her exploration skills. But now she says she wants to renew my subscription! This is total backwardness! She should have been progressive and multi-tasking. She should have been making HD reels of strangers, but instead, she’s back here talking about making tea and being ‘loyal.’ I’m thinking of suing her in the Emotional Consumer Court!”

Cyber-Sylvester comforted him, “Don’t worry, society is in a transition phase. Slowly, she’ll learn to be ‘open-source’ with others.”

Actually, Alex’s pain was twofold. He was hurt because Zara was “dumping” him at home instead of launching him into the international market. He wanted Zara to “offer” him at a high-profile Metaverse kitty party so he could realize his global marketing value. He was annoyed that while the whole world followed the “sharing economy,” Zara treated him like a private asset or household furniture. He dreamed of a modern type of bravery—where Zara would send him on a date with another woman, lock the door from the outside, and live-stream the data to win a “Gold Medal for Progressive Partners.”

Meanwhile, pseudo-intellectuals were holding a seminar at a five-star center. They claimed old-fashioned lovers were “unprofessional” because they got jealous and violent. A “Relationship Algorithm Specialist” shouted from the stage, “Friends! Real manhood isn’t about holding her in your arms; it’s about live-streaming and gathering social media likes! A lover who doesn’t shortlist a second lover for his girlfriend is not a lover—he’s a ‘Love-Terrorist’!”

Finally, Alex gave Zara-Quantum an ultimatum: “Zara, if you don’t go on date with a stranger by next week and send me the ‘Behind the Scenes’ photos and sensory data, I will block you from my life’s friend-list forever!”

Poor Alex just wanted his girlfriend to join the mainstream and be “evolved.” By 2050, this new relationship model was seen as a sustainable solution to old crimes. Possessiveness was now declared a serious mental illness, and “sharing” was the highest virtual virtue. New-age lovers like Alex believed that murder was a “waste of resources and data loss,” while sharing a girlfriend was a long-term social investment.

Alex’s mind had become so “global” that he started looking for new paths for himself. He created a profile on the “Dating App (Ultra-Pro-Max Version).” He layered so many AI masks and digital filters on his face that if his own DNA report saw him, it would mistake him for a tourist from another planet and ask for dollars! Under all that digital makeup, he had forgotten his real identity.

That night, he saw a profile: Neo-Night-Rider. The avatar was so magical and shiny that Alex’s heart started racing at gigabyte speed. He thought this was the perfect stranger to “acquire” for Zara to boost his social standing. He hit Super-Like, Mega-Like, and even God-Like! He had no idea who was behind that digital screen.

Eventually, Zara succeeded in her mission to find a new boyfriend. Alex was so happy he started dancing in his Virtual Reality suit and distributed “Digital Sugar-Free Laddu” coupons to the whole neighborhood. “My Vision 2050 is a success!” he cheered.

Just then, Zara video-called him. “Alex darling, your recommendation worked! I found my secondary partner—and guess what? You recommended him yourself by Super-Liking him last Sunday! Meet your new relative and my new project!”

Zara turned the camera. Alex’s eyes nearly popped out. Sitting on the sofa was his own younger brother, Sonu-Cyber, wearing Alex’s favorite T-shirt and grinning.

“Sonu? You?” Alex stammered. “But I liked Neo-Night-Rider who had six-pack abs and a robotic supermodel face!”

Sonu-Cyber laughed. “Big brother, in 2050, faces are just ‘display ads.’ I bought that filter on the Dark Web. You taught me that hiding your identity is ‘progress.’ So I thought, why let the family wealth go outside? When I saw your Super-Like, I took it as a divine sign for a family collaboration!”

Alex was an “evolved” man of 2050. After a moment of confusion, he started laughing loudly. “Wow! This is maximum output! At least now I don’t have to pay for petrol, Wi-Fi data, or restaurant bills for her dates. I can monitor this ‘in-house project’ myself. And Sonu, you’ll make the smart-coffee tomorrow because you’re the ‘Intern Lover’ now!”

But Zara had one more bomb to drop. “Alex, Sonu has a return gift for you. He matched your profile with ‘Madam-Moon’ from our neighborhood—the one who has had three divorces and five renewals. She’s inviting you for a candle-light dinner to show you her ‘vintage emotional data’ collection. Sonu says everyone must do their ‘sharing duty’ to be a holistic family.”

Alex’s eyes filled with joy. “Amazing! A hybrid model of old traditions and new progress!”

Suddenly, a Robotic Police officer arrived at the door. “Alex sir, your brother Sonu and girlfriend Zara have ‘logged you out’ of this house. They deleted your profile from the ‘agreement’ and rented your room on the Metaverse to a foreign partner. You are now a ‘Freelance Lover.’ Please find a new software and a new roof.”

Alex looked at his phone, sighed, and smiled. “No problem! At least now I am ‘unlimited’ and ‘unbound!’ Rejection is just a system update.”

Outside, Madam-Moon was honking her electric scooter. Alex ran to sit on the back seat. In the morning of 2050, Alex proved that as long as the “sharing data packet” is active, resources and emotions never end—whether it’s a room or a heart.

The elderly neighbor watched this, ripped off his oxygen mask, and thought, “Death is better than this ‘progressive’ air.” But Alex just waved goodbye and disappeared with Madam-Moon.

It’s true—no one lost here; everyone just got “shared.” Whether Alex was looted or became “globally free” is a decision only the algorithms of 2050 can make.

****

Note: It is not necessary that the editorial board agrees with the opinions/views expressed in the satire/article.

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈

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English Literature – Weekly Column ☆ Witful Warmth # 65 – Mechanical Motherhood… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

  1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
  2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
  3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
  4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
  5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his SatireMechanical Motherhood 

☆ Witful Warmth# 65 ☆

☆ Satire ☆ Mechanical Motherhood… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

That afternoon in Ratlam wasn’t just weather; it was like a long, exhausted yawn of a burning government file. The sun was spitting fireballs across the sky, much like a brand-new officer slamming ‘Urgent’ stamps on dusty old folders. The dogs wandering near the municipal dustbins were under the huge delusion that they were first-class citizens of ‘Independent India.’ Poor fools! They didn’t know that to be a citizen in this republic, two legs aren’t enough. You need a ration card and the basic qualification of having taken at least one dip in the holy river of corruption. Being a dog is the greatest moral crime in this country because it follows that old-fashioned loyalty which our system has long ago declared ‘outdated’ and tossed into the trash.

On that same melting tar road, ‘Modernity’ zoomed past on a two-wheeler, moving with a speed as fast and hollow as election promises. Two ‘civilized’ women were riding the scooter—the kind who look like they memorized and then tore up all chapters of kindness and religion in childhood so that no ‘confusion’ remains. Tied to the back was a rope, and at the end of that rope was a puppy, who was under the impression that he was out for a ‘walk.’ The puppy hadn’t yet learned how to ‘bark’ properly, but he was being given international-level training in how to ‘drag.’ As the scooter speeded up, his tiny paws began to rub against the road, just like a widow’s pension application rubs against the stairs of a government office. The woman on the back seat would glance at him occasionally, like a pro tax officer checking an honest man’s pocket to see if any ‘balance’ was left.

In our great nation, ‘Motherhood’ has been advertised so much that it now exists only in commercials and political slogans. The motherhood sitting on that scooter had probably left its ‘duty’ behind at some traffic signal after bribing a cop. The puppy’s skin was peeling off, and the tar road was turning red with his blood, looking like a map of a ‘Smart City.’ People passed by as if a VIP convoy was moving, where bowing your head is the only guarantee of safety. In India, ‘Ignoring’ is a national art in which we are all born gold-medalists. If you can watch a life gasping on the road and not stop chewing your tobacco, believe me, you deserve to be declared the most ‘mature’ and ‘experienced’ citizen of this democracy. Sensitivity here is just a ‘device’ that is switched ‘on’ only while taking a selfie.

The puppy was finished, the scooter stopped, and the woman tossed him into the bushes exactly like a politician tosses his manifesto after winning an election—wipe the evidence and move on. The next day, the same woman was sitting in her air-conditioned room, getting teary-eyed watching ‘the horrors of war’ on TV. “Oh God! How cruel the world has become!” she sighed. Just then, her teacup slipped, and she screamed at her servant as if he wasn’t a human, but ‘sin’ itself in person. Outside the window, the bloodstain on the scooter tire was laughing out loud. That stain knew how thin this coat of civilization is, and that the pride of being ‘human’ is actually buried under that lifeless piece of meat which we crush every day under the wheels of ‘progress.’

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈

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English Literature – Weekly Column ☆ Witful Warmth # 64 – The 1% Terror: A Gen-Z Horror Story… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

  1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
  2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
  3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
  4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
  5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his SatireThe 1% Terror: A Gen-Z Horror Story 

☆ Witful Warmth# 64 ☆

☆ Satire ☆ The 1% Terror: A Gen-Z Horror Story… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

AFor today’s youth, “Moksha” or peace is not about reaching heaven. It is simply finding a charging point next to their table in a cafe. For a Gen-Z boy like Aryan, the world does not stop because of a big war. It stops when the top-right corner of his phone turns red and screams—”Battery 1%.” This 1% feels like a ticking bomb, and he has no idea who is holding the remote.

The moment the phone hits 1%, a “Mahabharat” starts at home. Aryan, who usually ignores his mom calling him ten times by saying “Hmm… coming,” suddenly jumps up. He leaps like Spiderman whose web has just snapped. You can see a deep fear in his eyes, like a climber stuck alone on a mountain. He runs from his room to the hall like he is running a 100-meter race in the Olympics.

The real comedy happens when he finds the charger, but the cable is “cheating” on him. It only works if he bends it at a very weird angle. Now, our Gen-Z hero stands like a frozen statue, holding the wire at a perfect angle. If he even breathes too fast, the charging stops! For thirty minutes, he stands as still as an old saint. The only difference is that the saint wanted God, but Aryan just wants his Instagram Reels.

The elders of the house watch this and hold their heads in frustration. His grandfather, Dadaji, says, “In our days, we used to study under a small lamp!” Aryan thinks to himself, “Dadaji, at least the lamp didn’t have buffering issues!” For Gen-Z, a ‘Low Battery’ is like the climax of a horror movie. He feels that if the phone turns off, the world will forget him, his Snapchat Streaks will break, and he will die a “digital death.”

When the phone finally hits 2%, a calm look comes over Aryan’s face. It is like a thirsty person finding water in a desert. This 1% fear is the biggest truth of today’s world— “Life may go, but the plug must stay!”

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈

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English Literature – Weekly Column ☆ Witful Warmth # 63 – The Sovereignty of the Privet… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

  1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
  2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
  3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
  4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
  5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his Satire – The Sovereignty of the Privet 

☆ Witful Warmth# 63 ☆

☆ Satire ☆ The Sovereignty of the Privet… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

In the quiet cul-de-sac of Lower Willowbrook, where the grass is legally required to be exactly 2.5 inches tall, lived Arthur Pringle and Barnaby Fitch. They had been best friends for twenty years until the Great Encroachment of Tuesday morning.

The dispute began when Arthur noticed a single, rebellious twig from Barnaby’s privet hedge crossing the invisible, federally unmapped line of their property border. It wasn’t just a twig; it was a statement. To Arthur, that half-inch of leafy intrusion was a calculated land grab, akin to the annexation of a small European principality. Rather than speaking—which is what people with “too much free time” do—Arthur responded with Passive-Aggressive Landscaping. He installed a “No Trespassing” sign specifically facing Barnaby’s birdfeeder, a move Barnaby countered by aiming his industrial-grade leaf blower at Arthur’s driveway for forty-five minutes every morning at 7:01 AM.

By Thursday, three different land surveying companies were on the scene. They spent six hours squinting through transit levels to determine if the hedge was, in fact, 0.004 centimeters over the line. The results were inconclusive, mostly because the surveyors were distracted by the catered lunch Barnaby provided to influence the neighborhood’s court of public opinion.

The conflict reached its zenith at the Monthly Homeowners Association Meeting. The agenda usually consisted of “Why the Mailman Walks Too Fast,” but tonight, it was the Shrubbery Summit. Arthur presented a 42-slide PowerPoint presentation titled Sovereignty and Shrubbery, arguing that if Barnaby’s hedge was allowed to remain, the very fabric of the neighborhood would unravel. “Today it’s a twig,” Arthur whispered dramatically into the microphone, “tomorrow, it’s a communal fire pit in my breakfast nook!” Barnaby countered with a physical exhibit: a jar of “Dust and Debris” allegedly blown from Arthur’s unkempt porch onto Barnaby’s prize-winning petunias.

The HOA board, composed of three retirees who lived for this kind of high-stakes drama, delivered a Solomon-like verdict. The hedge would be trimmed by a neutral third party—a local teenager who didn’t care about borders—and both men were required to share a symbolic pitcher of lemonade on the disputed boundary.

As they sat on their folding chairs, exactly three feet apart, a single leaf from a nearby oak tree—owned by the city—drifted down and landed perfectly across both of their laps. They spent the next four hours discussing which one of them had the legal jurisdiction to move it.

****

© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈

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English Literature – Weekly Column ☆ Witful Warmth # 62 – The Cholesterol… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra, known for his wit and wisdom, is a prolific writer, renowned satirist, children’s literature author, and poet. He has undertaken the monumental task of writing, editing, and coordinating a total of 55 books for the Telangana government at the primary school, college, and university levels. His editorial endeavors also include online editions of works by Acharya Ramchandra Shukla.

As a celebrated satirist, Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra has carved a niche for himself, with over eight million viewers, readers, and listeners tuning in to his literary musings on the demise of a teacher on the Sahitya AajTak channel. His contributions have earned him prestigious accolades such as the Telangana Hindi Academy’s Shreshtha Navyuva Rachnakaar Samman in 2021, presented by the honorable Chief Minister of Telangana, Mr. Chandrashekhar Rao. He has also been honored with the Vyangya Yatra Ravindranath Tyagi Stairway Award and the Sahitya Srijan Samman, alongside recognition from Prime Minister Narendra Modi and various other esteemed institutions.

Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra’s journey is not merely one of literary accomplishments but also a testament to his unwavering dedication, creativity, and profound impact on society. His story inspires us to strive for excellence, to use our talents for the betterment of others, and to leave an indelible mark on the world.

Some precious moments of life

  1. Honoured with ‘Shrestha Navayuvva Rachnakar Samman’ by former Chief Minister of Telangana Government, Shri K. Chandrasekhar Rao.
  2. Honoured with Oscar, Grammy, Jnanpith, Sahitya Akademi, Dadasaheb Phalke, Padma Bhushan and many other awards by the most revered Gulzar sahab (Sampurn Singh Kalra), the lighthouse of the world of literature and cinema, during the Sahitya Suman Samman held in Mumbai.
  3. Meeting the famous litterateur Shri Vinod Kumar Shukla Ji, honoured with Jnanpith Award.
  4. Got the privilege of meeting Mr. Perfectionist of Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan.
  5. Meeting the powerful actor Vicky Kaushal on the occasion of being honoured by Vishva Katha Rangmanch.

Today we present his SatireThe Cholesterol.

☆ Witful Warmth# 62 ☆

☆ Satire ☆ The Cholesterol… ☆ Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’ ☆ 

In our great republic, the weighing scale is a tool of the weak, used only by those who have nothing better to do than count the grams of their own insignificance. Here, prosperity is measured not by digits, but by the magnificent circumference of one’s midsection. To call a man “obese” in the hallowed corridors of our local tehsil is not an insult; it is a character certificate. It implies that the man has successfully navigated the treacherous waters of public service and has emerged with enough “surplus” to require a specialized tailor. A thin man, by contrast, is viewed with deep suspicion. If you are thin, you are clearly either a revolutionary, a victim of extreme honesty, or someone whose digestive tract has been compromised by a guilty conscience. A thin man looks like he might actually run to get work done, which is a gross violation of local administrative protocol.

A truly substantial belly commands respect. It is a physical manifestation of a life lived in stationary glory. It says, “I have sat in this plastic chair for twenty years, and I have moved for no one.” It is the ultimate status symbol of the non-performer. Take, for instance, Gaya Deen, whose belly has achieved a sort of sovereign status. It doesn’t just sit on him; it presides over him. When he sits, his belly rests comfortably on his thighs like a loyal pet that has forgotten its own size. Walking, for Gaya Deen, is not a movement; it is a logistical challenge—a rhythmic swaying, a slow-motion tectonic shift. The humble kurta performs a heroic feat of engineering every day, its side-slits gasping for air as they attempt to bridge the gap between front and back.

Modern doctors—those killjoys with their stethoscopes and their obsession with “cholesterol”—try to tell us that this is a “health crisis.” They speak of Body Mass Index as if life were a mathematics exam. But in Chhangamalpur, we know better. Cholesterol is simply the lubricant that keeps the wheels of the soul from grinding too hard against the harsh realities of the world. The primary fuel for this physical expansion is the Samosa, a triangular deity dipped in the holy water of green chutney. In our village, nutrition is a foreign concept, likely imported by some misguided NGO. We believe in the “Deep-Fry Theory of Longevity.” If it has been submerged in oil hot enough to melt lead, it is surely purified of all sins.

When the Block Development Officer arrives, we do not offer him a salad. To offer a man of his stature a salad would be an act of war. We offer him Jalebis—coils of pure sugar that mimic the complexity of our legal system. As the BDO consumes these, his chin begins to multiply. By the third Jalebi, he has three chins. This is seen as a sign of intellectual depth; a man with multiple chins clearly has more layers to his personality. As the local wisdom goes: “A man who counts his calories is a man who cannot be trusted with a secret. If he is so stingy with his own stomach, imagine how stingy he will be with the public funds!”

Obesity in our context is the highest form of non-violence. A fat man cannot chase you. He cannot engage in physical brawls. He can only sit and glare. In a country obsessed with “progress,” the obese man stands—or sits—as a monument to stillness. He is the ultimate practitioner of Dharna. While the West creates “gyms,” those strange torture chambers where people pay to run on belts that go nowhere, we have perfected the art of the “Banya-Lean.” This involves reclining against a gao-takiya at a 45-degree angle, allowing gravity to do the work of distributing one’s mass evenly across the mattress. This is not laziness; it is Strategic Inertia. In the grand scheme of the universe, everything is moving too fast. The obese man, with his labored breathing and his refusal to climb a single flight of stairs, is the only one truly in sync with the slow, grinding pace of Indian justice.

As the sun sets over the stagnant pond of Chhangamalpur, one sees the silhouettes of the village elders. They look like a row of earthen pots, round and sturdy. We are told the world is worried about an “obesity epidemic,” but as long as there is a government subsidy to be skimmed and a chair that doesn’t collapse under the weight of “prosperity,” these great bellies will continue to expand. They are the only things in the village that are actually growing. After all, in a world where everything is uncertain, a man’s weight is the only thing he can truly call his own. It is his private property, his accumulated wealth, and his most visible achievement. To lose weight would be to lose one’s standing in society. And in Chhangamalpur, nobody wants to be a lightweight.

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© Dr. Suresh Kumar Mishra ‘Uratript’

Contact : Mo. +91 73 8657 8657, Email : drskm786@gmail.com

≈ Blog Editor – Shri Hemant Bawankar/Editor (English) – Captain Pravin Raghuvanshi, NM ≈

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